Bakerstreetpi's Blog

Love and the Single Woman – Happy Valentines Day!

LOVE AND THE SINGLE WOMAN

The other night my daughter and I were viewing my wedding album. In retrospect I enjoyed the pictures, the happy faces, the activities, the effort I had gone to making my wedding personal. After we went through the album I turned to my 18 year old daughter and said – “Too bad the pictures don’t reflect the reality of the day or the marriage.” Nobody took a picture of the woman that showed up with her husband to the church and claimed that my prospective husband had promised to marry her. I still have no idea what that was about. I didn’t know at the time that I was marrying an abuser! Love – it is a strange, unpredictable and unreliable matter.
That was many years ago. Today people are seeking their matches all across the planet – via online dating. I have been drawn into this world through my profession. I have been a private investigator now for twenty years. My first online dating file was three years ago. A woman called me and asked me if I could locate the man she was corresponding with. He had promised to come visit her, here in Vancouver, on three separate occasions and of course, each time something pre-empted the visit. She had his “alleged name and identity” but could not understand the behaviour. I found him in New York, of course with a different name and identity. One of the nastiest parts of the investigation was finding out that “the baby” he had introduced to my client in pictures was not his but was in fact a picture that was cut and pasted from Flicker. The rest of his family was handpicked from Flicker as well. He was not a top criminal lawyer but was in fact a corporate paper-pusher. Are you wondering if he was married ? Of course he was! This long distance relationship went on for almost a year. Then there was the male nurse that pretended to be a doctor and cut and paste his fake name into articles about successful doctors to email to another client.
Diane, my client contacted me after she found out her husband of 15 years was spending his evenings looking on Ashley Madison (the marrieds only dating site)! We were able to introduce a prospect to him that he communicated with for over a month complaining about his marriage and offering our “false” person wonderful travelling opportunities. Recently,a close friend just found out that the man she met online dating and thought she was happily married to had been cheating on her for the past 4 years – again with online dating! What about the man that played “Dexter” in Edmonton and cut up a person he had enticed on Craigslist? Go to our website if you want to hear the interviews on some of these cases – www.bakerstreetagency.com

I think by now you are forming an impression of what I think about online dating. The truth is that I too am a single woman and find the dating world complicated, exhausting and overwhelming. There is no question that most of us are happier when in love, we have a glow about us, and generally feel more optimistic about life. But here is the biggest issue with most online dating – I question what drives the women to accept the nonsense they are being told? Dating online is no different to dating in person – desperation to have a partner is not a healthy motivator. In the over 30 cases I have worked on now I have dealt with intelligent, motivated, successful women who for some strange reason suspend all their skills and accept what is being told to them by the person on the other end. Remember my wedding album? Pictures do not reflect everything that is real. My motto is “If it sounds/looks too good to be true then it is.”
Here are some tips for online dating:
1. Ensure your privacy is protected (we have also helped two clients that were stalked)
2. Look at the picture – is it current or does it look old
3. If meeting in person arrive early, park at a distance from the location, leave last and monitor his exit.
4. Don’t believe everything you are told – listen and look for contradiction.

Love for love in a healthy way. Next month we will provide you with more tips to maintain your safety and why you should consider hiring an investigator to check the facts before you become a victim. Have a Safe Valentines Day!